I’m feeling kind of desperate those last few months. I’m a videomaker (doing the filming, directed and editing most of the time) and I really struggle to keep a healthy mind (meaning ambitious, wanting to discover new stuff, be playful) and keep work on track. **I lost my sense of purpose.**
Instead, i feel most of the time tired, and sometimes I have to reschedule deadlines because i feel really bad in my skin and mind.
I think i have big trouble with my self-confidence. **I feel bad about not feeling ‘playful’ and ‘curious’ anymore**. Most of the time, my passion (videomaking) is now ‘work’ – **I’m jealous of other creators** who try new stuff but i feel kind of numb. **I try to take time off** to reassess, think about it, relax and maybe come back stronger **but i’ve trouble shutting down work**, i always answer to e-mail, never take vacations.
**My psychologist think I’m burn-out**. That I’m completely tired. **It’s like I lost my purpose, my spontaneity of trying new stuff and I feel really bad about it**. I’m angry about only getting ‘easy’ and classic job that i always have, i want to be a director (doings ads with teams, learning from big productions) but at the same time i don’t have the mind and energy to find. I’m in a vicious cycle, and every 2-3 months I feel that bad and i feel my mind will explode.
**I feel depressed and make excuse for myself for pushing deadlines or not doing some projects**. It’s like my willpower kind of shutdown, and when i wake up in the morning i see the mountains of work i have to do.
I know what’ll say – i already try to breakdown my work in small chunks for it to be easier but it seems that the problem is rooted deeper.
I know there is certainly some achievable techniques but self-dev don’t help me because i feel the problem is rooted really deep in me. That’s in not just ‘laziness’ or whatever. **It’s like I really am depressed and kind find a solution to be steady in my mind and achieve a long run of freelancing.**
Do you have any advices or techniques for me ? I feel really bad …
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